There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
