It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
