we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she told me i tasted like america
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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