Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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