He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
