I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
