Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
