Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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