I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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