i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
