my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
