I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
