mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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