The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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