meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
