I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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