I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need water and some morals
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
