They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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