I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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