fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's shark week go big or go home
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
