im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
