so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
