2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We're facebook friends in real life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
