I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this will be a night to untag.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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