Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
