please come you make the beer taste better
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
