who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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