that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
