she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
be right there i have to get my cape
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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