I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
