apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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