K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
