i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
