you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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