I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
