Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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