whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
