Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
