Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
