apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
