I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
