I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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