I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
