you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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