I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
