dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
