so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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