low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
