I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
