OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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