a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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