i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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