remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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