As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
