Don't you send me to vm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
