He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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