I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
