I never want to see another naked old woman again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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