some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
