Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
