Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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