Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
