Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
