Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
