Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he thought i was a dude.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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