THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
