There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pants are for mortals
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
