He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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