She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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