You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
