trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
